Support Vs. Pressure: Tools for Engagement
By Coach Nick, CSCS, MPC
Imagine it is game day and you are pumped for your athlete to compete. You tell them “This is what you’ve been working for! Go out there and show them what you’ve got!” Although this could be purely intended for encouragement and motivation, there are some implications in language and delivery that can be game changing for an athlete. Some simple words that can be perceived as support can also be taken as pressure.
Oftentimes as a parent of an athlete or someone a part of their support system, it can be quite challenging to identify whether you’re offering support, or you are actually adding pressure. What is the difference, and how would you know which one you’re tapping into?
Support is the belief and space given to an athlete to perform. This can come in many forms like physical actions (fist bump, high five), verbal instructions, and feedback following mistakes. Support is aligned with our Engagement piece of our PEAK framework, which states performers should “connect authentically”. What this may look like is creating the psychological safety for an athlete to struggle and make mistakes. Instead of saying “show them what you’ve got”, you can say “trust what you have prepared for and play your game”. Notice the difference? It’s shifting from external “them” to internal “you”.
Pressure is often accompanied with expectations and surveillance of performances. Pressure can be healthy to a degree but mostly can be detrimental when focused on outcomes and external processes. How exactly does harmful pressure show up in performance?
On a neurological level, pressure activates a threat response in our amygdala (emotion response center), which in most performance domains causes narrowing of focus and creativity. In practical terms: your athlete’s decision-making slows down, they play more cautiously, and they perform worse than they’re capable of. Psychologically, pressure can reduce an athlete’s autonomy in making their own decisions when they feel they’re being judged on an external expectation. In the example above, the expectation is that they are performing to show the world their talent and not performing for themselves.
Here’s what this looks like in real time: Pressure often shows up as conditional presence. We all have had those coaches or parents who only speak up when things are going well or when things are going horribly wrong. They’re essentially saying, ‘I’m only here if you perform at extremes.’ Support, by contrast, means showing up on the ordinary Tuesday at practice with the same energy you bring to game day because you believe in the person, not just the performance.
Support means believing in someone’s capability to figure it out and showing up consistently whether they do or don’t. Pressure means believing they need to prove something to keep the approval of others. The difference shapes not just how they perform today, but it shapes the kind of person they become.
So next time you’re having a conversation with your athlete about their performance, ask yourself these questions:
Does the athlete own this goal, or did I impose it?
Am I focused on their growth, or on what they need to prove to me?
Can they fail without losing my support?
Is my language about their effort, or their outcome?
If you’re looking to learn more about M2 and how we can support your athlete, book a parent session with us!